102 SasuNaruSasu Tidbits
by That Yaoi Boy
Summary: A 5-part series detailing many random bitfics/scenarios of the SasuNaruSasu variety.  Does not contain any semblance of canon or plot and could possibly be taken as crack.  Beware of sharp yaoi edge.
1. Musings 1 through 20

_This was pretty much just a fun little idea I had while waiting for someone earlier today. None of these bitfics should be taken seriously, nor should anyone endeavor to find some sort of interconnecting plot or purpose among them, (though a few do overlap.) I plan to do this in 5 installments; hopefully people will enjoy the randomness. Also, I quite obviously do not own Naruto._

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1. Naruto and Sasuke moved in together awhile back. Naruto doesn't remember how long its been since the transition. Sasuke can tell you down to the exact minute. This may not be a good thing.

2. Sasuke can't stand it when people leave the toilet seat up. Naruto knows this and does so at every opportunity, often leading to heated arguments and the occasional fight. He claims the makeup sex is totally worth it though.

3. Whenever Sasuke really pisses Naruto off, he knows that a simple apology won't cut it. Fangirls take heed; these are your only rare chances at catching the Uchiha in a dress.

4. Naruto never calls Sasuke on the phone. Shadow clones are almost as fast and potentially far more embarrassing.

5. Speaking of shadow clones, any orgasm they experience unfortunately does not transfer over to the original. Naruto and Sasuke have tried. Twice.

6. Sasuke no longer dresses like a slut. In public anyway.

7. Naruto, on the other hand, has taken to wearing as little as possible regardless of his current whereabouts. "If you've got it, flaunt it!" has been his motto when asked about this new habit. Needless to say, this didn't go over too well with Tsunade and Sakura. Sasuke told him so.

8. During the summer months, Naruto likes to snack on strawberry-flavored double popsicles. He breaks them in half and sucks on both at once, quite noisily I might add. Sasuke is unsure how to feel about this.

9. A low-power Chidori is not an effective anal stimulant. Don't try it at home.

10. Rasengan doesn't work that well either, though Sasuke reports it feels "interesting."

11. Sai once offered to draw Sasuke and Naruto having sex. The latter was horrified, claiming it would be like, "Having your cousin watch you fuck your brother." Both Sasuke and Sai were strangely aroused by this. Its always the pale, quiet, anti-social ones...

12. After weeks of intense training, Naruto finally revealed his newest creation to Sasuke; Orgy no Jutsu. Sakura was promptly summoned to the scene. Blood replenishment pills were required. Lucky Uchiha bastard...

13. The first time Naruto got drunk at a party, he changed into his female form and tried to seduce Neji. Oddly enough, Sasuke thought this was hot. Kakashi agreed. Poor Neji has since developed a reliance on anti-anxiety medication.

14. For Sasuke, no other word describes Naruto quite so well the way 'idiot' does. Naruto has come to believe this is meant as a term of endearment. Sasuke sees no reason to burst his bubble.

15. A quick snack at Ichiraku's with Naruto - 250 ryo. Dinner at Ichiraku's with Naruto - 800 ryo. Knowing that he'll definitely get to top tonight because Naruto will be too full to argue about it - priceless.

16. Sasuke doesn't believe the saying, "You are what you eat." Naruto usually tastes sweet or tangy; never once has he come in miso flavor.

17. Naruto likes it when it rains during missions with Sasuke. Sasuke, however, detests it. If he wanted to have messy wet sex with Naruto there are plenty of bathhouses for that, most of which involve getting far less mud in his hair.

18. Sasuke recognizes that sometimes being a nice, supportive boyfriend can often be a dangerous proposition. He still shivers a bit when remembering the time Naruto cooked him dinner for his birthday. On the bright side, Tsunade at least pumped his stomach for free in lieu of a gift.

19. Sasuke has many secrets, one of which is that he actually does not dislike sweets as much as he has lead others to believe. Regardless, he still gives them all to Naruto. Why? It's really a very simple equation: sugar = energy, therefore sugar + Naruto = energetic Naruto. Energetic Naruto + Sasuke = bow chika bow wow. And really, who would choose a cookie over getting some three times a day anyway?

20. Naruto loves it when Sasuke plays with his nipples during sex. That's it; there's no further point to me telling you this, I just kinda felt like sharing. Also, enjoy the mental image. You're welcome.

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_Heh, that's it for now, I'll try to post the next twenty within a day or two. Any and all comments are loved, including criticisms. I'd also really like to know which one's people like the most. My personal favorite is #16 so far. Later!_


	2. Musings 21 through 40

This has actually been done since last September, I just kept putting off typing it up (along with many, MANY other things.) XD Anyway, continuing on...

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21. Naruto and Sasuke are banned from several major airlines. Apparently active membership in the mile high club is frowned upon these days. Go figure.

22. Sasuke overheard Naruto discussing adoption with Sakura one day. After a quick bit of panicking, he had an idea. Naruto loves his new kitten.

23. Sasuke has taken to visiting a nearby library whenever he needs some peace and quiet. It should be noted that "nearby" in this instance means three towns over.

24. Naruto refuses to label himself as gay; instead he prefers the term "Sasuke-sexual." Cue eyeroll/facepalm.

25. Sasuke loves watching scary movies with Naruto because the blond always needs to be "comforted" afterward. ...What? They just cuddle is all! Mind out of the gutter perverts!

26. Sasuke and Naruto crashed an annual yacht party this past summer. They woke up naked on a beach two miles away with no memories of the night before. Needless to say, they've already made plans for next year.

27. Naruto sometimes thinks back to before he got together with Sasuke. Things had been so much more simple in those days. Oh who the hell is he kidding, it was just as confusing, only with about ten times the unresolved sexual tension.

28. Naruto had a brilliant (according to him,) idea to create ramen-flavored condoms. He wanted Sasuke to test them, but the Uchiha wisely refused; he's not a fan of first degree burns on his junk.

29. Which is not to say Sasuke is against sexual kinks. In his free time he's secretly converted one of his family's hidden underground rooms, (how many do they even have, fuck!) into a BDSM-themed dungeon and is patiently awaiting a chance to lure Naruto down there.

30. Naruto actually knows about it already and would agree to play if the bastard would just ask. He strongly hopes there will be a whip involved because he's totally into that.

31. Sometimes the boys will watch the sunset from atop the Hokage monument. D'aww isn't that cute and non-sexual for a change?

32. Of course, this is ignoring the many nighttime trysts atop the Fourth Hokage's head. Hey, its about as close to the forbidden "parent's bedroom" setting that Naruto is ever going to get.

33. Naruto tried his hand at agriculture once. He grew some tomatoes for Sasuke and surprisingly they turned out pretty well. Unfortunately, no one bothered to tell him that pesticides are harmful to humans too. That makes twice now that Tsunade has had to pump Sasuke's stomach.

34. Naruto eventually named his kitten Sasuke. Said kitten is as fiercely territorial as its human counterpart. Whenever the blond gets home he yells, "Sasuke, let's snuggle!" and laughs at the mad dash that ensues between each Sasuke wanting to claim his boy. The cat usually wins. (Kitteh's got claws! Seriously, imagine this and try not have a d'aww moment. :P)

35. When Sai found out Sasuke was continually being beaten by a cat, he started making comments about the size of Sasuke's penis. When the Uchiha found out...well let's just say it actually is possible for Sai to grow paler than usual.

36. Surprisingly, Naruto is a very good driver. Sasuke, on the other hand, has almost killed someone on four separate occasions. He's got a ton of parking tickets too. The stereotype is evidently true in this case.

37. Sakura once asked the boys who would be the wife if they ever got married. Naruto immediately answered that it would be Sasuke. "He's prettier." Naruto explained while Sasuke simply smiled and nodded.

38. Guess which boy secretly enjoys wearing woman's underwear? Go on, guess! Give up? Both.

39. Teach an Uchiha to fish and he'll never go hungry again. Teach an Uzumaki to fish and you just killed the local industry. Congrats, asshole.

40. Once, Sasuke forgot Naruto's birthday. In revenge, Naruto transformed into Sakura during sex. Sasuke never made that mistake again. To this day he still can't look her straight in the eye without fidgeting uncomfortably while Naruto chuckles knowingly.

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That's it for part two. Part three is already written as well so I guess I'll get to work typing that up now too. My personal favorite of this batch is #27 because you know its true! XD Let me know any comments/criticisms/favorites you have.


	3. Musings 41 through 61

Here's the next installment, enjoy!

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41. Naruto had a lot of fun when he found out that Sasuke was ticklish. Sasuke had even more fun when he found out that Naruto was allergic to having razor-sharp kunai pressed against his throat.

42. Naruto wasn't joking when he suggested Sasuke audition for the local production of Cats. "You're graceful like one," he reasoned when the brunette glared at him. Three days later found Naruto still limping noticeably.

43. Sasuke has only been completely speechless once in his life. You can't really blame him though; there was really no response he could make when Naruto asked if they could reenact the nude portrait scene from "Titanic". Naruto loves that movie. (Picture it and try to stop your brain from frying. XD)

44. They have, however, reenacted the "I'm flying," and "Never let go," scenes, though Naruto paid dearly for it. Let's just say Sasuke was in a eerily good mood that week.

45. Naruto actually won the most intense fight he ever had with Sasuke. They ended up not talking for a week because the Uchiha's pride was so wounded. You would be depressed too if your level 100 Charizard lost to a fucking Pikachu.

46. On the subject of Pokemon, Sasuke has sworn that he will catch them all by any means necessary. He's even getting better at not leaking killer intent whenever the subject comes up. That shit is addicting people.

47. Take it from Sasuke and don't attempt to use maple syrup as lube. People say they act like they're joined at the hip sometimes, but that was ridiculous.

48. Naruto recently convinced Sasuke to go to the new nightclub in Konoha after hearing that the dance-floor was spectacular. Well, he still doesn't know if that's true or not, but he certainly has plenty of nice things to say about their bathroom.

49. Once, when Jiraiya was having trouble writing his Icha Icha gay version, he enlisted the boys to explain a few things. That proved far too awkward, so he opted for Plan B; get them drunk and videotape it for "reference material." Copies are $20 on the black market.

50. When Kakashi found out, he immediately pre-ordered the book and bought a copy of the tape. No one has seen him since, though quite a few reports of strange noises coming from his apartment complex have been received.

51. Sasuke doesn't do well on trains. Too loud, bouncy, and he can't stand the smell. He still doesn't understand why Naruto took offense.

52. This one time, at band camp, Sasuke and Naruto were banned for life for using some of the instruments inappropriately. It's exactly what you're thinking it is. (Results may vary.)

53. Naruto tried to convince Sasuke to open up a restaurant once. His pitch was actually going pretty well, right up until he showed his lover the 'Pants Optional" sign he had made for the entrance.

54. That sign now hangs in their apartment and is strictly observed whenever they don't have company over.

55. After consulting with Kiba, Naruto once tried to put a leash and collar on Sasuke while he was sleeping. It didn't work out as planned and Naruto was strangely pale and quiet the next day.

56. Trying to play Super Smash Bros. Brawl together was not one of Sasuke's brighter ideas. They're still paying the landlady for the damages.

57. Unlike a normal Chidori, Sasuke was able to adapt Chidori Current for everyday use in the bedroom. If you thought you knew the meaning of lightning-quick thrusts then you're wrong.

58. It was beyond horrifying for Sasuke when he found Neji and Lee using his dungeon. It did serve to bolster his appreciation for the Byakugan, though.

59. He hasn't made up his mind yet whether he's mad at having seen that or because he missed his chance to "christen" the room himself. Probably a little of both.

60. Naruto and credit cards...Sasuke should have known better. Never again.

61. After much trial and error, Sasuke has finally managed to get Naruto off using Tsukuyomi. Itachi would be so proud of how his eyes are being used.


End file.
